(April 22, 2014)
Faced with overwhelming and relentless opposition from Michael Bloomberg’s grassroots “Every Town For Gun Safety”, Wayne LaPierre will announce that he’s disbanding the National Rifle Association at the conclusion of this week’s NRA Annual Meeting in Indianapolis.
“Look, everyone”, Wayne said at a press conference today, “We gave it a good run, but it’s over. We just can’t win against the dozens of people who have joined Michael Bloomberg on his new crusade. I mean, have you seen what they’re doing on social media to show how they can get people involved in gun safety and educate people about the realities of firearms? The NRA just can’t compete with that kind of know-how, so it’s time to call it a day and go home.”
Michael Bloomberg was busy purchasing the entire state of Rhode Island as a location for his new mansion and was unavailable for comment.
(April Fools' Day came late this year)